Today I saw the first adult boyfriend I've ever had. It had been over two and a half years since I saw him last.
I've never had any partner treat me better than he did and I honestly cannot say a bad thing about him- and I am usually venomous enough for all of us.

I went down to the four corners in our little seaside town, where a festival was being held. He was playing with his band and he got me all soakey with his guitar playing. I was not sure whether to flee in anxious dread or begin to cry, so I chose neither of those and just enjoyed his set, staring and smiling at him as he played and hundreds of hours of memories came rushing back.
I walked home as soon as he was done and have been thinking of him since. We sent each other a few texts this evening, very platonic and friendly.
But what I really want to text him is: I am done, I've gotten out of my system all that I needed to. I am ready for you again. Dump your lady and I promise I will be yours for life.

And I mean it.

I must have some sort of disease that causes me to be this impassioned and emotive all the time.



But for real, I am going to say that to him. Except I'll do it in person.
I hate every goddamn boyfriend I have now, they are all the worst in their own terrible and boring ways. Hate them.