"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." --Omar Khayyam

Enjoying the weekends so much that when I return back to normal weekday school life, waiting for the weekend to come back gives me that insane, fever-inducing impatience we experience in childhood.
READY TO GRADUATE, ready for summer, so ready for summer. I have no idea what my summer is going to look like or feel like but I know it is going to be wonderful! I will be living with my grandmother again (let's cross our fingers I don't get any of the jobs I applied for, really) and will have nothing to do but try and earn money while giving myself the mental and emotional break I'll have surely deserved.

And riding my bike and gardening and reading and swimming and copulating sweatily in the heat.
!!!

Still feeling it. This energy has been flowing strong and steady for the past week.
I feel like I was reborn; containing an infinitely more patient, forgiving, and perceptive soul than before.
I feel amazing.
Not a day in the last week has gone by without me crying tears of ecstasy that I have been given such a comfortable life with such remarkably beautiful people in it. I am so grateful.

And yes, I do get embarrassed every time I cry because REALLY, what a fucking weenie. Not really at Bodhisattva level yet.

I can't study for genetics, I'm in love!

Why is this not a more valid excuse? It is the best thing that can happen to a person: we shouldn't allow any other person, event, or institution make it seem small, light, or unimportant to us.


I am feeling a love that permeates and saturates my entire being. I am in love with a man who deserves all the devotion, appreciation, and gratitude I can give in my infinite number of lifetimes. He deserves all the love of the universe because of all of the love he puts out there.
He does not even realize that the beauty and kindness and selflessness he so generously, unconditionally shares with those around him is so much more intense and radiant than what one is usually able to experience in their entire lifetime of experiences.
He deserves it all and more. He is a glorious human being and my past, my present, my future, and my entire being all so much richer, so much fuller, and so much more ornately beautiful because of him.

This is Camille in love.

We are not back together. We are not even close to that point. And I don't want to be his girlfriend: the girl he takes to the movies, the girl he shares a home with, or the girl he takes to family parties. I have a real lack of desire to be any of those things.
I just want him to understand my deep gratitude
and for that to make his life just a little bit richer, happier, and more secure- however that may work itself out.


"The real gratitude can never find words to express itself. The gratitude that can find words to express itself is just a formality because anything heartfelt immediately goes beyond words, concepts, language. You can live it, it can shine from your eyes, it can come as a fragrance from your whole being. It can be a music of your silence, but you cannot say it. The moment you say it, something essential dies immediately. Words can only carry corpses, not living experiences." — Osho