Let me just say that YOU ARE SO GORGEOUS.

I went on a hiking/camping trip this weekend, right after having gotten back from your wonderful abode, and BOY OH BOY how invigorating it was. I didn't get to clear my mind or appreciate the nature as much as I would have liked, but it was still quite a good way to spend a weekend.

-Camille

you are a cutie pie, i look like my mother.

-Karen

Oh my god, I love it.

One cycle down, many more to go. I look forward to them with excitement. Together at last.

-Camille

I am having such a wonderful summer. Not working for the first time in my life is so lovely, and I don't feel guilty because this is an unprecedented occurrence. Last week my mom and little sister came to Brooklyn just so we could have a family weekend together. And, per his request, my boyfriend and my mom met for the first time. My mom cooked a big dinner and we all ate together-My mom, my sisters, and two boyfriends. It was awkward and giggly and cute, and also the first time that a boyfriend of mine has ever eaten with my family.
This week I am babysitting a baby cat, one from our litter, while her owner is in Chicago. Baby Cat is tiny, bouncy, and unbelievably cute. For the first two days, she was nervous and that made her very mean, so she snarled at us whenever we came near, and stayed in her carrier as much as possible. But on the third day, I woke up to find her sleeping on top of my feet. Then yesterday I went to sleep with her at my feet, and woke up to find her curled up right next to my face. Now she's cuddly and adorable and afectionate, and we are having the best time ever. My boyfriend has been absolutely beside himself about Baby Cat, and can't get enough of her. I have honestly, truly never ever been so happy in my life, and in this relationship with this handsome, sweet, affectionate, warm boy. I am so, so happy happy happy.
-Karen

ALSO!
I'm doing a colon cleanse and purchased over a hundred lemons (with my sister, Paulina, who's also doing it) for the week.
So far, so very very good! I feel grand and have a surprising abundance of energy. It's also surprising just how mentally freeing it is to not have to have your schedule and your physical and emotional moods depend so heavily on what you decide to put into your body. I discovered that I spent SO MUCH TIME thinking about what to eat, about whether I made a right choice in what I ate- it was just like an ongoing list, getting longer and longer over time:
"oh, I had X for breakfast, which means I shouldn't necessarily have Y for lunch, but I did have Z for dinner yesterday, so maybe that will alter what I should have for lunch as well..."
it's insane! My yoga practice is stronger, my body feels lighter and looser and more controlled, I have saved so much time in preparation for meals, and I now am allowed to lick maple syrup--one of my favorite of favorites--off of spoons on a fairly regular basis.

Paulina and I were planning on only doing ten days, but we're more than half done and I really want to do 30 or 40... the thing that's making me not want to extend it that long--the ONLY thing hampering this--is the idea that I won't be able to cook for people and eat things that people cook for me (viz. MY BOYFRAN IS A MASTER THAI CHEF, DID U EVEN KNO??) and the idea of having a romantic, candle-lit, sittin' on the rug all cozy and eye-gazey evening while sipping on lemon cayenne maple water is... not so romantic at all. And I have to do these romantic meal evenings NOW because once school starts, it'll be back to my usual oatmeal, quinoa, and broccoli nonstop every day.
BUMMER.

But to end this on a positive note- I think this will become a fairly regular part of my life now! It's really wonderful.

-Camille

Yesterday I went to the beach with my stop-being-a-bitch-and-just-admit-that-even-if-he's-not-your-boyfriend-now-he-soon-will-be - boyfriend. And it was warm and perfect and filled with eye-gazing and rough but warm waves and the type of light slight sunburn that makes your cheeks rosy and your heart soar upon the sun's setting and the realization that you, finally, have spent a day perfectly.
We drove back home at that sunset and I had a real "oh my god" moment on the bridge connecting Long Island to Fire Island. He put on this song by Arcade Fire (I'd never listened to them before) and we both looked so golden and beautiful and innocent and blissful in that warm evening light, listening to this new song which makes my heart feel like it's simultaneously starving for more energy and bursting at the seams with love- it made me want to scream to him "I love you! How do you not know that already?"
But then the Carrie Bradshaw in my head starts narrating, "But can it be love if it's not constant?"

This has been a very confusing relationship, to say the least, simply because I am still very much hurting from the end of my last relationship (which was consequently my first, real loving partnership) and because I can be very guarded and insincere at times. People sometimes ask how it's going with this new guy and I usually respond with "how could you not fall in love with someone who you spend so much time--romantic, sexual, and comforting--with?" in a very cynical, scientific, and overwhelmingly cold manner.

I've only been a good girlfriend once. I want so badly to be good to him. It's hard realizing that some people just do not and will not bring out the best in you. Whose fault is that?
Sometimes the idea of being with ANYONE who is not one of the glory-boys of my romantic past makes me cringe and get genuinely upset. As you know, I love to compare and find faults in everyone. I've been doing that so intensely and maniacally with him when I'm not in his presence (and therefore have free reign to overthink everything). Even in his presence, when we're out with groups of friends sometimes he drives me nuts... but when I am with him--just me and him--there's never been any question. It's like the Allen Ginsberg poem:
"We're not our skin of grime, we're not our dread bleak dusty imageless locomotive: we're all beautiful golden sunflowers inside, we're blessed by our own seed and golden hairy naked accomplishment-bodies growing into mad black formal sunflowers in the sunset..."
He's wonderful, there isn't an ounce of asshole in him (I've NEVER witnessed this strange trait in anyone before), and I am so very lucky to have him in my life right now.

I hope that wasn't too revealing.


-Camille