I feel like I'm in love! Every now and then I'll be sitting quietly--reading, or just thinking--and a physical feeling of delight and excitement will come over me and I know that it's love. I felt it with Marco, although this is much, much, much less delight-filled; much, much, much mess frequent; and much, much, much less strong (in terms of being able to control my mood for the rest of the day/week/month, etc). But it's definitely love, and it's definitely not for anyone in particular. I'll try to convince myself, when I barely think about it and for a few fleeting seconds, that these feelings should transfer over for one person in particular who you know I used to really, really want to be with, but then as soon as I really, consciously think about it, I know that they're not for him.

I got together with an old roommate last week and she said "Camilla! You are so happy! Are you in love?" and without even a second of thought I said "no" and she said "oh, but you're in love with yourself! That's the best kind!"
and after I puked all over her and rolled my eyes so hard they fell out of their sockets, I realized she might be right on. I hope this lasts. I do tend to get this way in the height of spring, but this somehow does not feel like the enthusiasm/bubbliness/confidence/excitement I usually experience.

This weekend I saw you. It was fantastisch.
And then later that night I went to babysit a girl who reminded me, incessantly, tormentingly, that she is in her "terrible twos." It's very good that I'm watching her, because I love babies and she reminds me that oh, yeah, I hate kids.
I took a picture of myself immediately after I put her to bed. If I had been feeling melancholy, the lighting would have captured my mood perfectly. But I was actually feeling great. I had eaten a bunch of dried dates beforehand, and I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to be in a relationship with my thesis adviser. Truthfully, I'm thinking it would not be so great at all, since there's no sexual chemistry (and if there was, that'd get me expelled and him fired) and because he is so unbelievably intelligent/witty/established and I am a little swiss-cheese head. But that did not stop me from imagining the little nice things I'd do for him and the wonderful lunch-time conversations we'd have and the magically educational trips to the forest/beach he'd lead our children on and the eye-gazing that would take place which he'd quickly learn to love.
That was Friday.

Saturday, Nina came over and we were drunk at 5pm. And we saw Ghostface Killah. Fun show.
Later we moshed at an Of Montreal concert and you know what? It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. The music was good- it was a VERY GREAT experience. I wouldn't listen to their music while cooking or on the train--it's not my thing--but I would definitely, definitely see them live again (if the tickets were <$15).And a few bottles of wine later, we were still drunk at 3am, which is when she left and I passed out while looking at the "Grossest Food Porn!" thread on the PPK forums.
And I love being young because I woke up at 9am feeling fresh and lovely!

-Camille